Drunk Again?

By Don Gardner


This sea story was told to me when I was stationed in Bermuda. Years later I sent it off to Reader’s Digest, but they haven’t responded yet.

One of the Ocean Station Vessels pulled into Argentia after heavy seas were experienced during the entire winter patrol. Everyone was exhausted, but anxious to get ashore and hit the Bluejacket’s Club to socialize, to restore their morale, to . . . well, get drunk!

After taking on a full load at the Club, a burly Boatswains Mate decided to walk back to the ship, hoping to sober up somewhat before taking the next watch. He steered a fair enough course (he was headed in the right direction) when he spied his ship—the one painted white—and made for it.

The duty Quartermaster, the messenger of the watch, and the OOD, all watched in awe as he approached, wobbling first one way then another. Upon stepping aboard the gangway, he must have hit a piece of ice or something, because he slipped and fell into the water, missing the camel by a cu-t hair and avoiding a nasty crack on his head.

"Man Overboard!" shouted the OOD." Alarms were sounded throughout the ship.

"Somebody grab a life ring," yelled the Quartermaster.

OOD, Quartermaster, and messenger all rushed to the side of the ship, anxious to save the dear sinner’s life.

But the Boatswains Mate shouted up, "Where is that stupid son-of-a-bi_ch—I’ll get him while I’m down here!


Return to the Coast Guard Stories Page