"Golden" Stream

by Johnny Johnson



A Coastie meets a four legged memory of the cavalry and develops one of the best alibi's ever......

Another story, a true one: when you are stationed at Coast Guard Headquarters and a contemporary dies and is to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery, you may receive orders for duty as a pall bearer. I did and broke out my best white dress canvas with white gloves and reported to the Navy chaplain.

He sez, "try to look sad and keep alongside the horse." I did just that and at the gravesite while the chaplain was praying, the horse let loose his "golden stream." I was downhill from the horse and received the brunt of the stream.

The Army Master Sergeant leaned under the horse and hit the stream source with a huge rawhide club. I winced. It stopped. The Sergeant whispered to me, "Sorry sir, we teach them not to piss when the chaplain is praying."

He never answered my question, how does a horse know when the chaplain is praying?

My wife gave me hell for spilling beer all over my shoes and the lower part of my pants.

To this day she thinks my story is a fake.


[Editor’s note: Johnny Crossed the Bar 14 February 1998]

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