by Eugene F. Doran
From "We've Been There" by Esther Stormer, Copyrighted 1992
An eon ago we Coasties wore a Navy Blue sailor suit. We were always explaining that we were Coast Guardsmen and not in the Navy. The subject of this realistic poem always saw us in our dungarees and foul weather gear. Read on, it might strike a familiar chord..............
EN1 Doran wrote this poem while stationed at Beaver Island LBSTA in October 1950.
I am sitting in a tavern
Swilling down my nightly beer,
When a stranger asks politely,
"Do you mind if I sit down here?"
I knew just what was coming,
But I said, "Sure, sit a spell."
Then he starts asking questions,
I am so mad that I could yell.
He is eying my gob suit,
When he notices my shield.
Then he says, "What's that thing sailor?"
So I answer, "Heres the deal
That thing stands for Coast Guard,
I am very proud to say,
No we're no part of the Navy,
We like ourselves that way."
Now I warm up to my topic,
Sitting there in that bar.
I tell him of the good and bad points,
But that's neither her nor thar.
He buys one while I tell him
About "Stiff Calls" and all that stuff.
Then he says, "I'm a YACHTSMAN."
I says, "Brother that's enough."
I like rattlesnakes and scorpions,
Lizards, snails and crawling worms,
But just the thought of YACHTSMAN,
Makes my guts and gizzard squirm.
In their Captain's hats and deck shoes,
With their chest's a stickin' out,
They spin tall yarns while drinking,
They're "Salty" no doubt.
They curse and damn the Coast Guard
For a lazy bunch of bums,
Who drink coffee and play poker,
And lie out in the sun.
They're mighty brave these YACHTSMEN,
While they're standing slopping drinks,
But they surely change their tactics
When they think they're a'gonna sink.
Then we're "GOOD OLD COAST GUARD."
And they sing our praises high.
We're not "Coffee Drinkin' Bastards."
We're "The boys who are standing by."
But when we get them safely ashore,
And there's no more chance to drown,
They retire to the nearest bar,
And start to run us down!!!
"They surely took their good sweet time,
Those coffee drinking bums.
Why hell we could have drowned out there,
We thought they'd never come.
They scratched our yacht from stem to stern,
With their dirty towing line.
When they took all night just to tow us in.
"Yep, they sure took their sweet time."
This crap that I am taking,
For a lousy ten cent brew.
So I have to leave the joker there,
And go back and join the crew.
But we can't be to hard on them.
And this is what I say,
"It's those ^%&*%#@&* YACHTSMEN,
Who are paying me my pay.
Return to Coast Guard Stories