You Might Be A Coastie, If......

Anonymous

Contributed By John Ingram



1.   You know instantly that "work smarter, not harder" means billet cuts.
2.   People ask you what you're doing beyond the three mile limit.
3.   You get married to move out of the barracks.
4.   You precede every public speech with, "I was going to tell a sea story, but seeing the lack of Cutterman's pins out there, you all just wouldn't understand."
5.   An Alaskan cruise is not an option for your honeymoon.
6.   You are still trying to figure out what TQM was all about.
7.   You've ever laughed when watching the CG commercial at 0300 and wondered why all they show is helo's and small boats.
8.   You've successfully avoided at least one inspection, Change of Command, or urinalysis.
9.   After boot camp, you've never fired a rifle.
10.  You hear a HH-65 and DON'T look up.
11.  You port calls have more bars in them than people.
12.  You consider the door falling off your aircraft natural air conditioning.
13.  While underway, a life raft comes loose, hits you on the head and you're counseled for "loss of situational awareness."
14.  Members of other branches of the service visit your workspace and they shout "Wow, I haven't seen one of these in 20 years."
15.   Your idea of aroma therapy is Simple Green and JP5.
16.   Any time you set out on a trip you expect to  hear, "make
preparations for getting underway."
17.   When you come home with armloads  of groceries you shout, "All hands lay to the driveway for stores."
18.   You catch yourself speaking to your children in the same tone of voice you use with your non-rates .... or is it the other way around?
19.    It seems every time you watch a  movie it says on the bottom of the screen "Property of the US Navy."
20.   If you had people say to you  "The Coast Guard is military?"
21.   If getting to sleep after the mid-watch was ever difficult due to the ever-present sun above throwing your system off.
22.   If your ship is handed a list of businesses, your crew is not welcome at during their port call.
23.   You've left a port with more than one sign from the naval base.
24.   You've woken up in the "red zone" in Panama.
25.   WMEC mean 'We Must Eat Chicken' to you.
26.   If your 40 year old cutter is getting underway on Monday for a 6-week patrol, you still make plans for the weekend because you know there will be CASREP within 2-3 days.
27.   You know you're a Coastie when your ship sends an emergency CASREP for the broken coffee maker.
27.   You might be a Coastie if the Marines get upset when they see you use real bullets in your weapon.
28.   If your child refers to the boat or station as "where Daddy lives"
29.  You claim to have a woman in every port, yet you are on your fourth tour at a shore station.
30.  Your wife or girlfriend are active duty Coast Guard women.
31   You run from the kitchen, trip over the dog, fall and hit your head on the coffee table just to see a 15 second blip on TV when you hear the words "Coast Guard".
32. You PANIC when you have to wear nice civilian clothes because you can't color coordinate, for you know no other color than blue.
33. Your wife looks at you strange and spouts out,"You're not my Chief, and I sure as hell ain't one of your deck-apes."
34.  You tell your children that Fridays are "field days".

35.  You can get in an alcohol incident and get a rate advance in the same week.

 

Return to the Coast Guard Stories Page